The Journey

August 10th 2007 I began a journey that taught me patience, long suffering, joy and self confidence.

To set the record straight I never began this journey because of some spiritual connection or the need to get back to my roots. I wanted to loc my hair simply because it was the one hair style I never tried. I had a jheri curl (didn't end well) when I was young. Then I had a perm which also didn't end well. So my mom decided to hip me to the press and curl. I kept that until my junior year of high school. Looking back on it I rocked the natural for a long time! Junior year I was tired of it and decided to give the perm another try (this time professionally). Lo and behold I was in hair heaven. No breakage. No getting my ear burned with a hot comb. The creamy crack had taken over. I maintained that for 8 years. Frying dying and blow drying. Yes I even colored my hair but don't get it twisted I was never pink, purple, orange or blue. *Ladies stop with the colored tracks. If you can not grow that color out of your scalp please don't put it in your head. The female rappers/singers you see with it get paid to look that way. You doing it for free and people may tell you its cute but let me say this. There is nothing cute about it. You look ghetto and if you want any semblance of a real job take that stuff OUT.* Okay back to me, I just had to get that out.

 When I made the decision to loc my hair everyone thought I was crazy. I heard many reasons why I shouldn't get it done but generally if I want something I go get it. The day I began this journey I was slated to go to a birthday party that evening. So no one knew I was getting it done except 2 or 3 folks. Imagine the surprise when I showed up at home with these little coils in my hair when just a few weeks prior I had this long ponytail(fake) and Hollywood hump hair style that I rocked for my BFF's wedding.
I was super cute that day!

Once I made it home that day my new hair was received with mixed reviews but I had already committed to doing this so no one was going to change my mind. I'll save you all the long draw out details of my first year but I will highlight a few points. After about 2 months I was already having issues with the "ugly" phase which by the way lasted me 8-9 months in my opinion. I think that this where I learned the most about myself though. I was also thankful that the work environment I was in was very supportive of me having locs because that helped me out a lot. I know that for some folks especially those in the corporate world it might not have been so supportive. After I hit that year mark I was pretty happy with the process. There was something that did sneak up on me after that year and that was a life lesson. I had learn what it really means to go after what you want no matter how many people you have behind you. Around the year and a half mark I was riding high feeling good and loving my locs. I generally don't like to keep hairstyles for to long so it was around that 2 year mark I began thinking about cutting it. At this point I was doing my own hair which most folks know I don't like to do. Don't get me wrong I always hooked it up but it was not something I enjoyed doing. Year 2 was pretty good I was rocking a ponytail which was nice.

Another thing I remember in year 2 was my patience was increasing and not just with my hair but with people. I began looking at this loc process as more than just a hairstyle. My locs began to have meaning. I took more pride in being a Black woman. I paid more attention to the tresses of others. I was proud to be rocking locs and I didn't care who didn't like them. Year 3 I had a serious moment of letting them go because I felt I needed to change things up. I took a good 2 weeks to decide what I really wanted to do. Ultimately I decided to keep them. Year 3 was kind of rough and I had many days when I felt the scissors would win the hair battle. I began picturing myself without. I started getting use to the idea of a drastic change. Funny thing is I have tried everything I wanted with my hair and I didn't know what I would do with my hair once I cut them out. Rock a afro again? Rock the short cut? Rock a perm again? So many questions but no answers. I didn't know which direction to take. One day I took a long hard look at my life from the moment when I started locing my hair. What I realized was the person I was when I started no longer existed. So my decision for change was not hard. All I had to do now was make it to the year 4 mark. I'm sure most people wouldn't care to wait but I am big with numbers and I like to be very purposeful in the things I do. Once I made it to year 4 I knew I would make the change. My mind is made up despite the sudden pain in stomach when I think about it. I know it is just nerves and not second thoughts. The Tonette that I have now become is much more confident, mature and self assured. I embrace this change and I look forward to the next journey that I begin with my hair.

It is 8-20-11 9:42am and I am sitting in the car about to go into the hair salon. My stomach is in knots and I am afraid if she asks me if I am sure I want it cut I will chicken out. I don't know why I am feeling like this considering I have rocked short hair before. I guess it is simply just the fact that this time I am going from LONG HAIR to super SHORT HAIR. Well I am walking in now and this is how long my hair is.

The Big Chop happened. It is 10:36am and I have no hair. Well I have hair but it is a very small amount.

She asked me if I was sure I simply replied "let's not talk about it, just cut it." And when she took that first cut I felt a twinge of pain. I have been growing those locs for 4 years not including the 3 years prior to getting them. Now it is all wiped away. I didn't cry unlike what I thought I would and that pain that was in my stomach is gone. Sitting under the dryer my head feels lighter and my body is more relaxed. Wow I really just got my hair cut. You should have seen it. Locs were falling all around me as she feverishly cut about 80-90 locs from my head. At this point I am okay with my decision.

11:20am I walked out the shop newly bald and I must say, I don't hate it. As I drove away I realized something. I can't put my hair in a ponytail no more.

Let me be the first to say hello to the new Tonette.

Look at me NOW

This blog is really inspired by one person in particular. The name isn't as important as the message.

In life we are placed in different circumstances and situations that may cause us not to always perform at our best ability. The good thing about that is, we can learn and grow. The more you live the more you grow and growing should happen for everyone. A lot of times we pray for things whether it's material, emotional, spiritual or whatever and we find ourselves waiting on those things that we have asked for. I am of the belief that sometimes God gives us things that we haven't prayed for so that He can see how we would handle those things. Sometimes He just even wants to see how we do with our patience.

What I think is important of us to remember is, no matter what you are given you have to treat it like it is yours. Treat that used car like you would a brand new one. Treat that apartment that you renting like that house you will eventually own. If we can't handle the smaller things that He gives us why would He give us something big.

Okay I said this was inspired by someone so let me explain. Life has a funny way of working itself out and most of the time we may be on the wrong end of that joke. Believe it or not there are people out there who want to see us fail. The person that has inspired this blog post has looked eye to eye and stood toe to toe with just those very people and said enough is enough. Truthfully I'm not sure those were the exact words but just my interpretation of it. This person decided that they were no longer going settle for just barely. This person took the negative energy people were throwing and turned it into motivation to be more than anyone thought. The world is full of people who believe just the opposite of you and nothing you do can change that. People will always be waiting on you to fail. But having the courage to stand up tall with your head held high is what will help you overcome.

We get bombarded with negative messages daily but see I like to think of it as the old school cassette tapes. Remember how we would record our favorite songs on the radio and then be able to put a piece of tape or something over it to record again. Well that is what those negative messages are. You can fill up my tape with them if you want to but I will just record right over it with positive ones.

Having the right support system is also key and I know that the person who inspired me to write this has a very good support system. A combination of self will, hard work, support and faith is the reason you are still standing.

Your greatness isn't determined by others. Your greatness is determined by you.

Thank you for inspiring me and inspiring others.

I almost did it

Today I almost did it. Subconsciously naw scratch that consciously I wanted to do it. One scroll through the contact list one push of a button. I almost did it. It's funny how something so simple breeds complications. What would have been the opening line? Heck knowing you there wouldn't have been one. See I almost did it. I'm not sure if it was fate or common sense that stopped me. Well I guess a combination of both. I honestly almost did it. What did I want? What did I need? How do I feel? All questions that I've yet to answer. Some where out of the blue appears you and not in a physical form. I wonder if you are thinking what I'm thinking and if what we're thinking is true. I was so close and I almost did it.  Space and time has made us somewhat enemies but neither of us will admit it.  Do I apologize or do you simply pretend that what was never existed. Today was much stronger than those previous days and honestly I almost did it. Things might be awkward for reasons we both know to be true. Suppressed feelings only stay suppressed so long then what! Eventually you lose grip of what you were holding on to. Traveling down the path that is oh so familiar to you. I hate to admit it but I almost did it. Just one look at your name and I knew a second longer would have been too long. You would have traveled space and time to appear in this thing called reality. See my thoughts are powerful and believe it or not so are yours. Today was the day that I almost did it. From here on out I have to relinquish the thoughts that drive me to think about you. The thoughts that convinces me it will be fine if I hear from you. The thoughts that lead my actions to find your name in my contact list. Those same thoughts that got me writing this. You see I almost did it. Truth is I almost called you, text you and emailed you. But I'm glad..... I didn't.

Letter to Love

Love please have a seat we seriously need to talk. No I'm sorry this can't wait. I've been trying to figure this thing out for a while now and I know you've felt like something just wasn't right. The truth is I love you but I know that ain't right. No please sit back down I have to finish this. I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear right now but it must be said. You've been great to me for a very long time and for that I am appreciative to you. You saved my heart when I was just about to turn cold to the idea of love. You spoke one word and forever changed my life. I've gotten so much better since I've experienced you and I love that about you. Each day I wanted to be a better person so I could be deserving of your love. There were some rough times but what's a little pain when you are experiencing love. See love there has been this war going on inside me that honestly I'm tired of fighting. Tired of going to battle everyday against a world that can be so mean. I took on this fight because I believed in what was happening. I also believed in what I was feeling. I know it probably seems like I'm rambling but I'm just trying to make sense of this. On the outside looking in love we appear to be so perfect. Me with my big heart and compassionate personality. You with your open mind and beauty. Kind of a perfect fit. At least that's what I told myself when I first felt you. Let me tell you love this has been great. Discovering a part of me that I thought had went away. Creating memories that I'm certain will last forever. We both know it hasn't always been sunshine because we did experience rain. Like the time I began to doubt you could ever exist. Or the time when I thought I wasn't good enough to deserve you. What I didn't know was that rain is necessary for sunshine and sunshine is necessary for rain. Like that day when I almost gave up and I looked out the window after the rain and saw a sunshine painting a rainbow in the sky. You taught me so much love and no amount of money, things or words could ever repay you. I know this is hard to hear but it's even harder to say. We've been good together but I think we should part ways. Your purpose has been served and my faith has been restored. I know, it hurts me too but I'm sure if you look at the bigger picture you'd understand what we must do. I'll always love you and I know you will too. So don't think of this as a heartbreak, think of it as a release. A release that is necessary to help us both grow. You have others to go out and help you can't be mine forever. Someone else is feeling like the old me and you have to help. Let them know that love is a great experience and can teach them a lot. If they don't believe you keep trying until they figure it out. Don't let them give up, like you didn't let me. Go and change someones history. I am forever grateful but I can no longer be selfish. Love, I love but you need to go love someone else. Don't worry about me, you have prepared me for such a time as this. My life isn't over it's only just begun. Thank you my friend it has been so much fun. Go out and help someone see what they have on the inside. Of course I won't forget about you. I'll always remember you besides my heart wouldn't let me, so stop worrying now. You've done what was required and I'm prepared for what life's journey may send my way. My head is held high and my heart is open. I'll see you in passing someday. No words need to be spoken. Go now and don't look back because the person you might save, might just be for me. Goodbye love

Kind words

They say kind words turns away wrath. Let me just say this.

You have to be true to who you are no matter what. So many people will try to make you into something or someone they want to see. God made you the way you are for a reason. Trust Him because He is pretty good at His job.

Much Love
T.I.

One very happy fan

So let me first start off by saying I am still floored by this. I have been a fan of this lady for quite some time and an even bigger fan of the WNBA (15th season kicks off June 3rd). There are not many moments in life where you will be able to say "how cool is or how cool was that" and really mean it. I know I'm beating around the bush a little bit.

Oh let me give props to social media because it has given me an opportunity to do some things that I honestly never imagined being possible (get ya minds out the gutter people). Okay here it is....

Oh wait I forgot to tell you this part. So WNBA star Cheryl Ford aka The Lip gloss Diva aka Ms Double Double aka Ms Watch Me Work took time out of her busy overseas basketball grind to answer some questions from a very persistent and dedicated fan (yes ME). Now mind you I had no idea how she would respond when I asked her about doing this. All I knew was I had to give it a shot. When she agreed I almost hit the floor. Yeah some of you might think this isn't a big deal and she is just a regular person (which she truly is). Matter fact let me just say, C. Ford gets 2 thumbs up from me because she is humble, dedicated, beautiful, spiritual, kind, caring, hard working and BEAST on the basketball court. TeamFord all day respect it! For those that don't know C. Ford has been away from the WNBA for a little while but 2011 season SHE'S BACK!

So with the help of some other TeamFord members I complied a list of questions to ask her. It is the hope that this won't end here and I will have other exclusive things to share with you all. Okay in no particular order here is the Q&A with Cheryl Ford

Q: What is your most memorable basketball moment up until this point? And why does it stand out for you?
A: my most memorable moment was winning the WNBA championship in 2003. and it stands out to me cause i had both parents in attendance to watch me win it.

Q: If not basketball what would The Diva be doing?
A: Coaching or owning my own clothing/shoe store

Q: Favorite place to eat and/or favorite meal to eat?
A: First my mom/granny kitchen, Benihanna and Chow Baby

Q: What are you looking forward to this upcoming 2011 season? Any thoughts on where you want to end up?
A: Definitely want to stay on the east coast and what I'm looking forward to is number one just staying healthy and just coming in a doing whatever it takes for me to help the team to the championship

Q: Who is the toughest player you have had to guard? And what was it about them?
A: Lisa Leslie and just her knowledge of the game and her great skills

Q: Tell us what is the biggest misconception of you? How do you deal with that?
A: That I'm not as good as media makes me out to be. but i just continue to pray and do what has gotten me to this point. Stats don't lie.

Q: In your Rookie Year(2003) was it hard to adjust to being the "go to" player and was that received well by your teammates?
A: I wasn't the "go to" player. I just knew my role and went out and tried to do it.

Q: Your the only player to receive Rookie of the Year and a WNBA championship in the same year. Does that still make you smile?
A: Definitely makes me smile truly a blessing

Q: What does a typical day off look like for Cheryl Ford?
A: Day off for me consist of running errands if i have any and just chilling. Maybe shopping.

Q: Where did the name DIVA come from?
A: Hmmm Im not quiet sure where diva came from. I think Mrs Monique Rice.

Q: What position are you most comfortable playing on the court? And how has your game changed since your LaTech days?
A: Most comfy with the 4 and the 5 position and I think just the knowledge of the game and I've developed some more moves down low.

Q: Which current or upcoming player do you see with a game similar to yours? And what advice would you offer her?
A: I would definitely have to say Tina Charles. I call her my "mini me" and just for her to develop a few more moves down low. Like she is a beast right now but she get a couple more moves she will be the best center in the game.

Q: What is the snack food you can't live without?
A: Fruit! I love love love fruit

Q: Which of the 3 championships was the sweetest?
A: The first one

Q: What did you miss most about being away from the league?
A: Nothing I actually enjoyed my summer off and needed the break.

Q: Three words that your friends would use to describe you?
A: spoiled, independent and a sweet heart

Q: Biggest celebrity crush (no ball players)?
A: Ha aww man. lol ok ok Idris Elba

Q: Out of the numerous reality shows that are out there, which one could you see yourself on and why?
A: Bad Girls Club. Ha it speaks for itself...

Q: What lesson do you feel you've learned through all the injuries and time away from the league?
A: God can take it all away in a blink of an eye...

Q: Hardest city to play in and why?
A: Never thought any city was hard for me to play in Iwas always up to play no matter what city I guess that's the competitive part in me. when I go to cities I'm about my business and that is winning games.

Q: What is the best piece of advice you have been given, that you would like to share with us?
A: When I step out on the bball court to give my all 100 percent cause you can't get it back when the game is over! So just leave it all out there. "What I've kept I've lost forever"

That was just a glimpse into the life of Cheryl Ford and trust me this is only the tip of the iceberg. I would like to say again, that I am truly grateful to Cheryl for taking the time to fulfill a fans request. If you are a twitter fanatic follow Cheryl @Southernchick35 and also if you are a TeamFord fan make sure your check out the TeamFord store and pick up your official TeamFord t-shirt at  http://343433.spreadshirt.com/

Distractions

Simple thought of the day.

Don't let nothing or no one distract you from what it is you need to be doing. Stay focused on what is in front of you not what is behind you.

T.I.